Before I even began thinking about making any changes, my life was completely different. Not only my life, but me as a person. I do not recognise who that person was.
Honestly, I must start this by thanking Elliott Oshoko for allowing me to join the Tribe, and of course the members of the tribe for being so welcoming and helpful. I owe a lot to you all.
Life before the changes meant that I would spend my days in the exact same way. Get up around midday, work a little (from home of course), sit in my toxic relationship whilst not being able to leave my house, eat something, shower and go to bed. All whilst suffering quite horrendous abuse.
August of last year saw me homeless after the toxic relationship reached its end and I was hit with a huge wave of depression. I am not ashamed to say that it nearly cost me my life. I do not truly know how it did not.
I was homeless, alone, in a dead-end job, no money. I had lost everything, and I was suicidal. Things were not too great.
When people ask me about this time in my life, I never know how to describe how I felt. For most of the time, it was either searing depression or feeling numb. Looking back, I was completely lost, no direction, no motivation, my anxiety was through the roof, I was sad and angry, and giving up on a life with no purpose.
I had managed to get a few pounds together to pay for a few weeks in a hotel, so that I was not sleeping in my car anymore. I remember it was raining heavily, I felt tired due to not sleeping for a few days, yet I was still unable to sleep. I do not know what hit me and I do not know what changed but something inside me clocked. I was fed up with feeling like I had nothing to live for. I had dreams and goals, and I was going to do something about them all.
I got to work that night. I make a list of everything that was worrying me, and all my dreams and goals were outlined in front of me. I was receiving messages from the Tribe, not to me directly but ones that inspired me to keep going. I knew now that I had more to give and I was not going to waste my potential anymore. At that moment in time I was safe and warm and that was a good enough environment to get to work.
My first real change was a Tribe suggestion. I had heard them all talking about meditation / breathwork, so I decided to give it a go. Let’s just say… I have no idea how I ever coped without it.
I then started applying for new jobs. My current job was a dead end and the pay was terrible. I needed a change and wanted to thrive in a supportive environment and not a place that added to my anxiety.
Next came the beginning of manifestation and yoga. Again, a god send. I always believed in law of attraction and manifestation but never put it into practice. Once I did, everything started to change.
Whilst applying for new jobs, I reached out to local councils and charities for help with my living situation. I cut off toxic friends and family members. I started challenging myself by doing things that scared me, so I booked a holiday to Turkey, and I’ll go it alone! I spoke to my local mental health team for advice and guidance and I began learning again. I had many subjects that I loved and so I got back to being my inquisitive self.
Of course, this whole changing process came with challenges. As I mentioned, I started applying for new jobs. I was incredibly lucky to find one however this meant that I would have to adapt to another change, which frightened me. I also mentioned that I spoke to the mental health team and after several referrals and assessments I was diagnosed with ADHD at the grand old age of 27. At the time of writing this, I have only had this diagnosis for 2 weeks, and although it is incredibly fulfilling to get some answers, it leaves a lot more questions than I had before.
I had a huge period of self-doubt, fear, unsettlement, loneliness, and lack of motivation. Through my yoga however, I learnt to pick myself up out of it as quickly as possible.
I managed to develop some amazing habits that I will carry with me through my whole life. Gratitude is a huge one. I make a point to write down at least 3 things that I am grateful for each day. Whenever I have a down moment, I now have a list of things that can bring me back to reality and make me thankful again.
Another habit, of course, is my breathwork and manifestation. These two are also done daily, and I can never put into words how powerful a tool they really are. They will change your life.
Without making these changes… I do not think I would be here. I am not saying that every day is sunshine and rainbows but there are days with sunshine and rainbows, where before there was not any.
I now have a job that I love, that gives me fulfilment and I can help the homeless and addicts in a way that I wish someone had helped me.
I have my own independence. I lived independently for the first time in my life.
I have had huge mindset changes. I now feel calmer, more focused, and more positive about life. I have adapted to my surroundings and circumstances and not only have I made it through, I have bettered myself in the process.
I see life as a blessing again. I do not think I felt this happy since I was a small child.
I have lost 2 stone in weight, mainly by eating healthier but also by taking up light exercise. I am in a happy, committed relationship, free from any type of abuse, for the first time in my life. I have begun writing my book and plan to start a podcast very soon!
Not only do I feel happy within myself, I trust myself again. All the happiness I am feeling now can be passed onto others, and that is a blessing if nothing else.
If you are out there and feeling stuck, please trust me, it can be done. Whatever it is that you want to do, it can be done. You will feel like you want to give up, but do not. If you need to rest, rest. Make lots of lists to stay organised. Start on your breathwork and manifestation. I would recommend Master Sri Akarshana, who you can find on YouTube, however he may not be for everyone. Find a mentor or someone who inspires you. Get rid of negative people and negative energies. Find likeminded individuals. Set goals, have dreams, and go for it.
My next goal and challenges are quite big ones, I do not tend to do things by half these days! I want my own place. I currently live in a safe house, which protects me from the domestic violence that took place in my last relationship, however I want a little flat to rent that is just mine. I would also like to lose a little more weight, continue writing my book, start my podcast and eventually launch my own business.
The book that I am writing is an autobiography / self help book. I will cover things that happened in my childhood and how they affected me throughout life. I will also be talking about how growing up in a homophobic, racist household as a mixed raced lesbian took its toll, all whilst sharing some things that have gotten me through all the bad times.
Before I leave you all, I would like to share a few things that I hope will benefit some of you.
- Recognise things that do not feel right, understand why this may be, and acknowledge that sometimes the best thing to do is to walk away.
- Never be too afraid to try something new.
- Just because something is scary it does not mean it is negative.
- Things get better.
You’ve got this!
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It’s amazing how fast your life can improve as a result of simply altering your habits, being willing to challenge yourself and having the discipline to remain consistent in your efforts.
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